Anybody heard of Pinterest? If you haven’t, count your lucky stars because you’ve just ‘gained’ back hours and hours of time to waste on something else. Pinterest is a virtual “ideas” cork-board – a place where anyone and everyone can put up a picture, post an idea or website or browse and gather ideas for things like wedding stationary, recipes, Halloween costumes or nail polish tips and tricks. Occasionally I will come across some fascinating cultural ‘tells’, and this morning was one of those lucky mornings. I came across a pin called “The Perfect Relationship”. (Warning: sexually explicit content)
Seems more to me like this author is talking about roommates. With benefits. Yes, roommates who have sex. And play mini-golf and watch illegally downloaded movies. That’s about the extent of what the perfect relationship is these days. Does anybody else think this is about as shallow as a bathtub full of cold, scummy water? Maybe it’s just me. I read this pin and was left feeling dissatisfied and bored. That’s it? That’s all there is to relationships these days? Just coffee, making fun of people, eating, sex, mini-golf and video games? Totally boring!
Where’s the real meat? Where’s the real love? Where is that video gamer when his “roommate” is uncontrollably vomiting from the flu? And where is the facebook-er when her “roomie” is feeding his porn addiction for hours on end? My question is, do they even care?
Seems to me they don’t care much past their own interests. Each partner (and I’m afraid to admit this might be a good representation of relationships out there…) is like an island unto him- or herself, who occasionally extends a finger to the outside world/each other. But only if it’s fun and interesting. Otherwise, forget it. Why should I put myself out there. I’m not getting anything out of it.
Reminds me of the lyrics of a fairly recent pop song “I want the girl but not what she’s going through”. Relationships these days aren’t about sticking around for the messiness of life, for housework or problems or anger or sickness. It’s about one thing. F. U. N. Just check out some of the wedding vows that people make up these days. They’re ridiculous. “I’ll love you until I don’t” or “Our boat has brought us together, may it never sink”. What – their love, or the boat? What about “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, I will love you and honour you all the days of my life.” Darn, religion sure can be romantic sometimes.
Now I know this problem is endemic to our culture for various reasons, which I could only go into if I had 3 lifetimes to study and write about them. But the truth is, when you don’t stick around for the messiness of life, you miss out on THE greatest treasure of your life too – a family of people to love you until you die – people who know the true you and accept you with all your faults and love you just the same. Trite, maybe. Cliché, probably. But worth it? Absolutely. So go ahead, be a bachelor all your days. Nobody (usually) gets hurt except you. But don’t be surprised when the Super Mario Brothers don’t speak at your funeral or Colonel Sanders doesn’t cater. You’ve made the bed you’re sleeping in.
The Perfect Relationship (My Version)
(and sometimes gets paid for it)
Bills come out of their money
They split house chores
He has hobbies
She has hobbies
They mostly just love being together and will often enjoy their hobbies in the same room
They do stuff together like watch downloaded movies
Or stream one on netflix
She cooks him dinner and does the laundry
He runs a bath and fetches painkillers for her every month
Or gets up in the middle of the night to get her a glass of water when she asks for it
They laugh and joke about almost everything
They are intimate every day – and not just physically but spiritually, emotionally and psychologically intimate
They reserve their intimacy only for each other and nobody else
Days off are spent doing regular stuff like housework together
Then they go out and have fun and do things
They go mini-golfing
Or to the movies
Or they play games: video, board, whatever.
Who cares? They’re together.
He held her when she miscarried
She held him when he lost his job
They have cute arguments over what colour fuscia really is
And what answers don’t count in scattergories
He’s patient when she flies off the handle about something small
And she admits she’s flown off the handle and asks forgiveness
He forgives her
She forgives him
And he kills all the spiders
They are a team. A club.
A 2-person gang that everyone is invited to visit and that grows with each new baby
They deeply love one another. And the world is changed by it.
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